CACTUS FEELS
on feeling prickly and the value of pause
SHE FELT PRICKLY LIKE A CACTUS IN THE NOON DAY SUN. ON GUARD, A FEW BLOOMS HERE AND THERE BUT OTHERWISE - SPIKES. DEEP INSIDE SHE KNEW THERE WAS A RESERVOIR OF ENERGY.
I found these lines scribbled in a sketchbook from earlier this summer. I was exhausted and this is how I felt. Like a cactus. I suspect we all have seasons of life where we feel this way.
I needed rest, play, water and most of all to loosen my grip on my work. So, I did that.
It felt a little scary to pause the work I've only really just begun in the world, but mostly necessary. Also, I had the sacred and relentless work of mothering in summer to tend to. I hoped during the summer, I would get some new insight. Some big idea, a flash of inspiration.
I waited for two months but no new insight came. My mind was blank. Eventually I decided to just let that be okay. Then I really rested.
Now I'm finding myself with a little more daily space and I am slowly returning to the the things I do that connect me to my spirit - making art, writing, letting a book of poems fall open to a page and trusting the poem to guide me. These are ways I tap into that deep internal and abundant reservoir of energy.
I'm learning the value of a pause, even if it is simply an internal choice to hold it all more loosely for awhile.
What practices do you have that help you feel alive? Which one could you give a little time to this weekend?
Yours in cactus times and deep reservoir dives too,
Anna Marie
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